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An Ideal Man

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi, which was just driving by.  He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing, you’re just like Frank.”

Passenger:   “Who?”

Cabbie:   “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.  Just like you coming out of the building just as I was driving by.  Things like that always happened to Frank. Me, I’m always ten minutes late and a dollar short.”

Passenger:  “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie:    “Not Frank.  Things always went well with him.  He succeeded at everything.  He was a terrific athlete.  He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis.  He could compete at golf with the pros.   He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano.  He was an amazing guy.   And here I am.  The only thing I can do is drive a cab, and I don’t even make enough money doing this.”

Passenger:   “Sounds like this Frank was something really special.”

Cabbie:   “There’s more.  He had a memory like a computer.  He remembered everybody’s birthday.  He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.  He could fix anything.  Not like me.  I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.”

Passenger:   “Wow, some guy then.”

Cabbie:   “Frank really knew how to treat a woman and make her happy.  He would never talk back to a woman even if she was in the wrong.  His clothing was always immaculate, and he did his own laundry and ironing.  No one could compare to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger:   “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie:   “Well… I never actually met Frank.  He died and I married his widow.”

(Note:  Notice that I broke my own rule and used too many words.  But do as I say, not as I do.  You can shorten this joke quite a bit and still get a laugh.  Also, because of its long length, this joke can only be told in rare occassions, when it is appropriate — that is, when the audience has a long time to pay attention to a long joke.  For instance, when people are just sitting around and there is a boring silence.

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